राजा बाबू से मंडेला — निर्मल आनंद से इंटेलेक्चुअल सटिस्फैक्शन तक का सफर  

कल शाम को चैनल बदलते बदलते, या फिर ये कहिये कि OTT बदलते बदलते, नज़र एक तमिल फिल्म पर आकर टिकी. नाम था, मंडेला
खाना खाते खाते फिल्म का पहला आधा घंटा देखा. मज़ा आया. फिल्म एक ब्लैक कॉमेडी है और ब्लैक कॉमेडी और हमारा तो पुराना याराना है. खैर, फिर कुछ काम आ गया इसलिए पूरी फिल्म नहीं देख पाया. एक-आद दिन में निपटा दूंगा. 
रात को तकिये पर सर रखने से लेकर नींद आने तक, मेरे दिमाग में एक ख्याल आया. आजकल हमारे लिए एक हिंदी फिल्म देखना बहुत ही मुश्किल हो गया है. 
एक ज़माना था जब हम सिनेमा निर्मल आनंद के लिए देखते थे. अब हम फिल्म निर्मल आनंद के साथ साथ, इंटेलेक्चुअल सटिस्फैक्शन के लिए भी देखते हैं. और जब तक इंटेलेक्चुअल सटिस्फैक्शन नहीं होता तब तक निर्मल आनंद भी नहीं आता है. 
अब जनवरी 21, 1994, की बात ले लीजिए. राँची के सुजाता सिनेमा में डेविड धवन कृत राजा बाबू लगी थी. हम लोग फर्स्ट डे फर्स्ट शो देखने पहुंचे. लाइन में लगे और थोड़ी धक्कम धुक्की होने के बाद हम लोगों को ड्रेस सर्किल की टिकेटें मिल गयी. ये वो दिन थे जब फिल्म देखने से ज़्यादा मज़ा फिल्म की टिकट मिलने में आता था. 
फिल्म शुरू हुई. वो गोविंदा का ज़माना था. और अगर साथ में अगर करिश्मा कपूर, कादर खान, शक्ति कपूर, समीर, आनंद मिलिंद और डेविड धवन, भी हों, फिर तो सुभान अल्लाह. गोविंदा के अलावा ये सभी लोग राजा बाबू से जुड़े थे. पर फिल्म में वो मज़ा नहीं था जितना कि गोविंदा की फिल्मों में अमूमन हुआ करता था. 
दो घंटे से ऊपर गुज़र चुके थे और पूरे हॉल में एक सनाटा सा छाया हुआ था. लग ही नहीं रहा था कि गोविंदा की फिल्म चल रही है. उसी साल आयी द्रोहकाल, जो कि एक ज़बरदस्त आर्ट मूवी थी, के शोज में, उस दिन से ज़्यादा हल्ला हुआ था. (जी हाँ हम उस समय भी आर्ट फ़िल्में देखा करते थे वो भी सिनेमा हाल में जाकर). 
फिल्म ख़त्म होने से कुछ समय पहले, परदे पर आया उस साल का एकदम सुपरहिट गाना. सरकाये ल्यो खटिया जाड़ा लगे. और पब्लिक ने तब तक गोविंदा और डेविड धवन से हुआ सब गिला शिकवा माफ़ कर दिया. कुमार साणु और पूर्णिमा के इस गाने ने एकदम बवाल मचा दिया. अगर अंग्रेजी में कहें तो द ऑडियंस वास् डांसिंग इन द aisles. 
वो ज़माना था डबल मीनिंग गानों का और सरकाये ल्यो खटिया जाड़ा लगे, मेरे हिसाब से, इन डबल मीनिंग गानों की लिस्ट में नंबर दो की पायदान पर आता है. आप पूछेंगे कि नंबर वन गाना कौन सा था. अब ये भी कोई बताने वाले बात है. हिंदुस्तान में रहकर, हिंदी सिनेमा देखने के बाद अगर इतना भी नहीं पता… तो आप एंटी नेशनल, टुकड़े टुकड़े गैंग में शामिल हो चुके लुट्येन्स दिल्ली के आखरी लिबरल हैं. 
ख़ैर, आप भी ये सोच रहेंगे के मैं भी कहाँ मंडेला से शुरू करके राजा बाबू तक पहुँच गया. शायद ये समझाने की कोशिश कर रहा था कि उस ज़माने में फिल्मों से सीधी सीधी अपेक्षा होती थी. 
फिल्म का हीरो थोड़ा रोमांस करेगा, गाना गायेगा, नाचेगा, विलेन की पिटाई करेगा और अगर इन सबके ऊपर अगर कॉमेडी भी करे, फिर तो पूरा पैसा वसूल.
रही हीरोइन की बात तो वो भी रोमांस करेगी, गायेगी, नाचेगी और थोड़ा रोयेगी. 
अगर फिल्म में विलेन है तो वो हीरो-हीरोइन के बीच में अपनी टाँगे अड़ाएगा. जैसा की मोहनीश बहल मैंने प्यार किया में कहते हैं, एक जवान लड़का और एक जवान लड़की कभी अच्छे दोस्त नहीं हो सकते. पहले कुछ इस किस्म उलटी-पुलटि बात करेगा और अंत में हीरोइन के साथ थोड़ी बहुत बदतमीज़ी भी, जिसके बाद हीरो आकर उसकी पिटाई करेगा. 
हीरो की माँ रोएगी और अपने बच्चे के लिए अच्छी नौकरी और अच्छी बीवी की दुआ करेगी. 
और फिर, एवरीवन विल लिव हैप्पिली एवर आफ्टर. 
अगर किसी भी फिल्म में इन सब चीज़ों का ठीक ठाक सा मिश्रण मिल जाता था, तो लोग उस फिल्म को दो एक बार देखकर चला ही देते थे. और हम भी ऐसी पब्लिक का हिस्सा थे काफी सालों तक. कम से कम 1993 से 1999 तक, जब हम रांची के सिनेमा घरों में अक्सर सिनेमा फर्स्ट डे फर्स्ट शो देखा करते थे. (करीब दस साल हो गए कोई भी फिल्म फर्स्ट डे फर्स्ट शो देखे हुए. अब जब आराम से ऐसा किया जा सकता है, तो मन नहीं करता है.) 


1999 के बाद चीज़ें बदली. थोड़ा पढ़ लिख ज़्यादा गये. थोड़ा अंग्रेजी सिनेमा देख लिया. और 2006 से 2009 के बीच में बहुत सारा इंटरनेशनल सिनेमा भी.
अंग्रेजी फ़िल्में देखने के बाद ये पता चला की उनकी फ़िल्में हमारे फिल्मों से कितनी बेहतर बनती हैं, या फिर हम लोग सीन बी सीन कॉपी करते हैं. अब शायद पॉसिबल नहीं है पर एक ज़माने में तो होता ही था. यकीन नहीं आता तो कभी 1934 की हॉलीवुड फिल्म, इट हप्पेनेड वन नाईट देखे और इसके बाद महेश भट की 1992 की फिल्म दिल है के मानता नहीं. सीन बाय सीन कॉपी है.  
यहाँ तक कि इट हप्पेनेड वन नाईट के डायलॉग्स को सीधे सीधे हिंदी में ट्रांसलेट किया गया है. और आश्चर्य की बात तो ये है कि डायलाग लिखे थे मशहूर लेखक शरद जोशी जी ने. 
जब इंटरनॅशनल सिनेमा देखा तो ये समझ आया की सीरियस मुद्दों पर भी फ़िल्में बनायीं जा सकती थी. और रोमांस, नाच, गाना, मार धाड़ के अलावा, फिल्मों में नुआन्स (nuance) भी हो सकता है. और निर्मल आनंद के अलावा फ़िल्में इंटेलेक्चुअल सेटिफेक्शन भी दे सकती हैं. 
और धीरे धीरे इंटेलेक्चुअल सटिस्फैक्शन हावी होता गया. केवल ये काफी नहीं था कि स्क्रीन पर क्या चल रहा है. ये भी जानना ज़रूरी था की फिल्म के डायरेक्टर और लेखक की पॉलिटिक्स क्या है. उन्हें इंस्पिरेशन कहाँ से मिला है. फिल्म के डायलॉग्स में दम है की नहीं. वगैरह वगैरह. एक फिल्म देखने में और एक किताब पढ़ने में ज़्यादा अंतर नहीं रह गया. 
और इसका नतीजा ये हुआ की धीरे धीरे हिंदी फ़िल्में देखना एकदम बंद सा हो गया है, क्यूंकि किसी भी फिल्म से जो उमीदें थी, वो बहुत ज़्यादा बढ़ गयी. और जैसे जैसे हमारा टेस्ट बदला वैसे वैसे गोविंदा का करियर भी ख़तम होता चला गया. क्यूंकि गीता का सार है, परिवर्तन ही इस दुनिया का नियम है. 
अब खोज रहती है अच्छी फिल्मों की. भाषा चाहे कोई भी हो, क्यूंकि मर्द को दर्द नहीं होता और इंटेलेक्चुअल सटिस्फैक्शन ज़रूरी है. 

Pahlaj Nihalani : Living in glass houses and throwing stones at others

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Pahlaj Nihalani, the censor board chief, has aspirations of becoming the conscience keeper of the nation. The former film producer has issued a list of Hindi and English cuss
words that will be banned from films.
Earlier this year Nihalani had told
The Times of India that “there is too much nudity on television and internet and it should be controlled,” going beyond his brief as the censor chief. He had followed this with an interview to The Hindu in late January where he had said that he did not “mind being called conservative” if it was “in national interest”. “The censor board is very liberal. But what is the modern generation watching? We are giving them the license to see anything. How is this projecting our culture?” Nihalani had added in the interview.
The irony is that all this comes from a man who gave Hindi cinema some of its crassest songs. Nihalani produced a film called
Andaz in 1994, which was directed by David Dhawan. The movie had songs with lines like khada hai khada hai khada hai, roz karenge hum ku ku and main maal gaadi tu dhakka laga (later changed to ye maal gaadi tu dhakka laga). Any one who understands a little bit of Hindi will know what exactly these songs are trying to suggest. They clearly were not in national interest.
Before
Andaz, Nihalani had produced Aankhen which released in 1992. This movie had a song with the line “khet gayil baba bazaar gayil ma, akeli hu ghar ma tu aaja balma”. The song starts with the heroine Shilpa Shirodkar lifting her ghagra to reveal her thigh. It is followed by the heroine and a string of women extras gyrating their chests and doing other suggestive movements.
Aankhen also had another superhit song called O Lal Dupatte Waali Tera Naam to Bata. This song had the heroes Govinda and Chunky Pandey chasing the heroines Ritu Shivpuri and Raageshwari. Somewhere midway through the song the heroines sing the line “har ajnabi ke liye ye khidki nahi khulti” and in a very suggestive way slightly raise the hemline of their white mini skirts. This clearly wasn’t a good projection of Indian culture that Nihalani now seems to be so passionate about now. Nihalani might defend himself by saying that these songs were a part of a phase in Hindi cinema where double meaning songs ruled. Subhash Ghai’s Khalnayak had the superhit choli ke peeche kya hai. Sawan Kumar Tak’s Khalnayika went a step further and had a song called choli ke andar kya hai. Prakash Mehra’s Dalal had chadh gaya upar re aatariya par lautan kabootar re. So, Nihalani in a sense was doing what everyone else was doing during that era.
But all these years later he has changed, he might tell us. As a line attributed to the British economist John Maynard Keynes goes: “When the facts change, I change my mind. What do you do, sir?”
Nihalani might have changed his mind but he needs to do a few things to change the facts, so that we can believe him. He should re-censor the films he produced and drop the songs which go against Indian culture and national interest, to start with. Further, in this era of remakes, if he ever chooses to remake or sell the rights of his biggest hit
Aankhen, he should insist that the remake won’t have the khet gayil baba bazar gayil ma song. This should set an excellent precedent. Nihalani would be then putting his money where his mouth is.
Until he does that, it is worth remembering a dialogue written by Akhtar-Ul-Iman and spoken by Raj Kumar in the 1965 superhit
Waqt, which goes like this: “Chinoi Seth…jinke apne ghar sheeshe ke hon, wo dusron par pathar nahi feka karte(Chinoi Seth…those who live in glass houses don’t throw stones at others).” Nihalani, being a film producer, would have hopefully heard of this.

(Vivek Kaul is the author of the Easy Money trilogy. He can be reached at [email protected])
The column originally appeared in the Daily News and Analysis(DNA) on Feb 17, 2015 

From Junglee to Ye Jawaani Hai Deewani: The revenge of Himachal on Kashmir

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Vivek Kaul  
The Kashmir valley was an integral part of Hindi films through the sixties, seventies and most the eighties. Kashmir and the escapist stuff that the industry specialised in went well together.
The hero and the heroine romancing in the beautiful Mughal Gardens, Nishat or Shalimar, on the outskirts of Srinagar. Or walking through knee deep snow in Gulmarg. Or the heroine filling her 
matki (an earthen pot) with water from the Lidder river in Pahalgam. Or the most common shot of the film’s lead couple enjoying a ride in a shikara on the Dal lake. All this looked fantastic on the big screen. And thus shooting in the valley became an integral part of Hindi films.
There were three major factors that brought the Hindi film industry to Kashmir. More and more Hindi films started to be shot in colour in the early 1960s. This coincided with more Hindi films being shot outside the claustrophobic film studious of what then used to be Bombay (now Mumbai). This meant that producers and directors went looking for locations that would look good on the big screen. And Kashmir fit in perfectly.
The final push came in the form of Shammi Kapoor and his first colour film 
Junglee. Shot majorly in the Kashmir valley, this was the movie that ‘really brought’ Hindi film producers and directors to the valley. Many of Kapoor’s successful films were shot in the valley. This included Kashmir ki Kali, Andaaz, Janwar etc. The story goes that at his peak Kapoor in the mid 60s, Kapoor used to spend seven months of the year shooting in the valley.
After Kapoor, director Yash Chopra continued the trend of shooting in Kashmir with 
Kabhie Kabhie and Silsila. In fact, Kabhie Kabhie was essentially Chopra’s tribute to Kashmir. And the valley has not been captured so beautifully by anyone else till date.
The love affair between the Hindi film industry and the Kashmir valley continued through much of the 1970s and the early 1980s. Hrishikesh Mukherjee’s Bemisal which released in 1982, 
starring Amitabh Bachchan, Vinod Mehra and Raakhee, even had a song on the Kashmir valley : “Kitni khoobsurat ye tasveer hai…ye kashmir hai.
The eighties dulled the love affair, as first the Hindi film industry discovered Switzerland and then terrorism made gradual inroads into the valley. Vidhu Vinod Chopra’s 
Khamosh which released in 1985, was one of the last films to be shot in the valley. The movie was a murder mystery set in and around the hill station of Pahalgam, and ironically enough did not have any songs, showcasing the beauty of the valley.
Through much of the 1990s and 2000s, Kashmir remained inaccessible to the Hindi film industry as terrorism took over the valley. But terrorism in Kashmir was too juicy a plot point to ignore, and thus became a part of the storyline of several Hindi films. The only trouble was that shooting in the valley was impossible. This trend was started by Mani Ratnam’s 
Roja which was made in Tamil and later dubbed into Hindi.
So various places, depending on the budget of the producer were passed off as Kashmir. If the budget was good enough, Switzerland could be passed off as Kashmir, if it wasn’t even Lonavala (a hill station close to Mumbai) would do. The only big budget movie which was shot in the valley during the years when terrorism was at its peak was Vidhu Vinod Chopra’s 
Mission Kashmir which released in 2000. The Aamir Khan starrer Fanaa, which released in 2006, had a storyline set around a Kashmiri terrorist, but almost all of what was passed off as Kashmir was shot in the Tatra Mountains in Southern Poland.
In the last ten years, a few Hindi films have been shot in the valley. There has been odd movie like 
Yahaan, a story of an army officer falling in love with the sister of a terrorist, which was shot almost end to end in the Kashmir. There was also Santosh Sivan’s beautifully shot low budget movie Tahaan which released in 2008. Sikander and Lamha were other low budget movies that were shot in the valley. And so was a small portion of Vishal Bhardwaj’s 7 Khoon Maaf. 
Last week’s release 
Ye Jawaani Hai Deewani has been among the few big budget movies to have been shot in the Kashmir valley in years (The other movie that comes immediately to my mind is Yash Chopra’s swansong Jab Tak Hai Jaan.Imitiaz Ali’s Higway is also being shot in the valley, as was a part of his previous release Rockstar). And the first half of the film has some of the most breathtaking scenery that you will ever see in a Hindi film. The irony though is that the storyline of the movie passes off what is Gulmarg in Kashmir as Manali in Himachal Pradesh. While the hill stations of Himachal Pradesh are very beautiful, nothing comes close to Gulmarg after it has snowed. Its breathtakingly beautiful and totally out of this world.
This so called ‘artistic license’ has not gone down well with Omar Abdullah, the Chief Minister of Jammu and Kashmir. As he tweeted “It’s irritating when we roll out the red carpet & facilitate the shoot only to have people believe its Manali.”
I saw the movie in a Delhi multiplex on Friday afternoon (May 31, 2013). As the young women and aunties around me went ‘
Awww‘ and ‘How Cute‘, everytime Ranbir Kapoor appeared on screen, the question I asked myself was why would anyone want to pass of Kashmir valley as Himachal Pradesh?
This keeping the background in mind that for the last two decades the Hindi film industry has had no access to the Kashmir valley. During this period it has passed off different parts of the world as Kashmir. And now that it can shoot in the valley, it has passed it off as Himachal. Also, Himachal Pradesh has never been able to replace Kashmir in Hindi films.
So why do that? The movie provides the answer as well. At the end of the trekking trip, the two lead pairs of the movie (Ranbir Kapoor-Deepika Padukone, Aditya Roy Kapoor -Kalki Koechlin) have a lot of 
bhaang on the occasion of the Holi festival, and dance non-stop to the song balam pichkari jo tune hai maari.
Now Hindi films aren’t meant to be logical. But having the hero-heroine of the movie sing a Holi song after downing bhaang, on the foothills of Gulmarg in Kashmir, a terrorism infested state, would have been totally illogical. And that to me seems be the only reason why Kashmir has been passed off as Himachal Pradesh. This despite the fact that Jai Jai Shiv Shankaranother famous Holi song from the 1974 movie Aap ki Kasam was shot in Gulmarg. But then those were the days when Kashmir was peaceful.
So its but natural that Omar Abdullah is peeved. But he can take solace in the fact from another artistic license that was taken more than 50 years back in 1961. Shammi Kapoor’s most famous song 
Yahoo-Chahe Koi Mujhe Junglee Kahe was shot in Kufree, in Himachal Pradesh. Though the rest of the storyline of the movie (Junglee) was set in Kashmir. The song was originally supposed to be shot in Gulmarg, but the hill station did not have enough snow that year, forcing the makers of the movie to look for snow somewhere else. For years people have thought that the song has been shot in Kashmir.
So in a way 
Ye Jawaani Hai Deewani passing off Kashmir as Himachal, is Himachal’s revenge on Kashmir, though more than fifty years late. Interestingly, Junglee had Shammi Kapoor in the lead role and was directed by Subodh Mukherjee. Shammi Kapoor was the granduncle(i.e. Paternal grandfather’s brother) of Ranbir Kapoor, who stars in Ye Jawaani Hai Deewani. And Subodh Mukherjee was the granduncle of Ayan Mukherjee who has directed Ye Jawaani Hai Deewani.

The article originally appeared on www.firstpost.com on June 11, 2013.
(Vivek Kaul is a writer. He tweets @kaul_vivek)
 
 

Dear Kamal Haasan: Here’s how to make a 100% ban-proof film

mashallah-song-ek-tha-tigerAs imagined by Vivek Kaul
I am a closet film script writer.
The one thing I really want to do is a write masala film script which is different. Recently I ran into a film maker friend of mine and since he was in the mood to listen, I told him my story.
Acha hai,” he said, down two drinks of whisky.
“I am glad you liked it so much,” I replied, hoping that he would take it on and choose to direct it.
Par thoda change karna padega!”
“Kya?” 
I asked.
“We will have to change the religion of the villain.”
“Hmmm!”
“Yes. We will have to make him a Parsi.”
“Oh why?” I asked, not having heard of a bawa villain in Hindi cinema for a very long time.
“Well. One they are too small in number and most of them barely watch Hindi cinema.”
“So?” I asked.
“So, some of there so called leaders won’t bother to protest that we have a shown a Parsi character in negative light.”
“I don’t get it.”
“And even if they do, their protests will fall on deaf ears because there are only around 70,000 of them. So they are not a vote bank.”
“Oh. But when was the last time you heard of a Parsi terrorist?” I asked rather humbly trying to drive home what I thought was an important point.
Arre yaar Vivek! It doesn’t matter. This is Hindi cinema. The absurd will just become absurder,” he said. “Chal, let me order a drink. Tu tamatar soup theek se pee!
Whatever you think is right,”I replied.
“Also, that side character of a cobbler. We will have to change that a little as well.”
“Hmmm!” I replied, wondering if my series of compromises had just started?
“We can’t call him a Raju mochi as you do in the script,” he explained patiently.
“But why?” I asked. “What do you call a mochi if not a mochi?”
Using the word mochi is insulting. You cannot call a cobbler a mochi. He needs to be called a charmakar. Accordingly you should call your character Raju Charmakar.”
But why? He is not a cobbler. He is just a spy pretending to be a cobbler,” I persisted.
Arre, you don’t remember. A few years back a movie called Aaja Nachle had a line in a song which went like this “Bazaar Mein Machi Hai Mara Maar, Bole Mochi Bhi Khud Ko Sunar.””
“So?”
“So there were protests and they had to remove that word. And I don’t want my film to be stopped because of one word!”
The words “my film” were music to my ears. “As you say boss!” I agreed.
“Also, the side hero seems to be wearing saffron colour throughout the movie.”
“Yes. That’s how his character is na. It is a political thriller after all. I had to build in characters from across the spectrum.”
Wo to theek hai. But I don’t like too much saffron on the screen. You know my movies have a red theme. So lets make him wear red. We will also give him a song with a lot of red in it. I have a nice set in mind. Karjat main set banayenge.
Arre, that will change the entire meaning. How can red replace saffron?” I asked him, totally perplexed.
“Well if Vishal Bhardwaj’s bhains can be a pink gulabo instead of a red laali, I am sure the side hero can wear red instead of saffron. Samjha karo. It can have a big impact in the biggest territory.”
“As you wish,” I replied totally giving in to his demands.
And lets put in a song by Yo Yo Honey Singh,” he further suggested.
And I sunk into my chair.
Thoda daaru shaaru, weed-sheed, kudiyon shudiyon ke baare main gayega. And that will ensure that the movie will go housefull in the Delhi, Western UP and Punjab territory,” he continued.
“But what if it gets banned because of his song? Also the women have been rallying against him,” I asked.
Na na. The protesting women were the few dainted painted types.We will ensure that he doesn’t go to the same extent like he often does. Kuch hulka phulka, you know what I mean.”
“Hmmm,” I just nodded.
Aur yaar. Your heroine is too dry.”
“Yes. She is from a small town. But she is a total deshbhakt. That is why she helps the hero in his mission against the terrorists.”
Wo to theek hai. But lets spice her up!”
“As in?”
Arre thoda item number-wumber daalo!
“But she is a humble small town girl? It doesn’t sound right!” I pleaded.
“Let’s put in a dream sequence yaar.”
Dream sequence?”
“Yes. You know what I have a brilliant idea. We will also shoot the heroine under a waterfall. The same one where Raj ji shot Mandakini in Ram Teri Ganga Maili.”
Oh!”
Yeah. Your script says she is a village girl na.”
Small town girl,” I clarified.
Arre ek hi baat hai. And while she is bathing under the waterfall, the hero will see her for the first time. Wo scene poore single screen theatres ko loot lega!”
But who will do the heroine’s role? Katrina?”
She will be too expensive. Utne main to hero aa jayega. Arre we will take a new girl. She won’t have any inhibitions about shedding clothes if the scene demands so.”
“You think very differently,” I replied.
“Right now it is important to ensure that the film does not get banned. And no film ever gets banned because of its heroine! So heroine koi bhi ho sakti hai!” 
What about the lead role?” I asked. “Let’s take Shah Rukh.”
Na na. Bolta bahut hai wo! Ab to likhne bhi laga hai.
Hmmm!”
He might say something reasonably intelligent before the film’s release and there will be a huge controversy aur film dabbe main pad jayegi.”
But wouldn’t that be good publicity for the movie? I mean, My Name is Khan got a lot of publicity that way.”
Yes it did. But I don’t want to take that risk.”
So? Lets take Aamir then?”
Na na he is too much of an activist and intellectual type. And if you remember Gujarat had banned his movie Fanaa. Gujarat territory main Aamir risky hai.”
“Then?”
Let’s take Salman,” he replied confidently.
Hmmm.”
He barely speaks and when he does it sounds like Italian,” he replied. “So Rs 150 crore guaranteed.”
I had nothing to say. Money talks loudest.
The article originally appeared on www.firstpost.com on January 31, 2013

(Vivek Kaul is a writer. He can be reached at
[email protected]




A Himesh Reshamiya fan comes out of the closet


Vivek Kaul 
It’s one am in the morning. And I have had the same song playing on loop on my laptop for the last three hours. It’s been written, composed and sung by Himesh Reshamiya.
The song is Tera Pyar Pyar Pyar Hookah Bar from the Akshay Kumar starrer Khiladi 786. There is something very infectious about the song. I can’t really figure out why I am hooked onto it. I guess in this day and age of complex multilayered songs this is a simple tune which one can hum.
With the music of Khiladi 786 Reshamiya is well and truly back. The album has the music director who for a brief period became more famous for his hair weaving, crooning songs in his famous (or should we say infamous) nasal twang.
If you thought Aashiq Banaya Aapne was too much then try listening to Lonely Lonely Tere Bin and you might find yourself shouting O Banwariya by the end of it. The song has Yo Yo Honey Singh rapping along with Reshamiya.
For those who are the old fashioned kind and prefer people singing through their mouth and not through their nose will appreciate Saari Saari Raat Soye Na Hum. Okay, I have to admit that there is a slight nasal twang in Himesh’s voice even in this song. But then the nasal twang is to Himesh what yoddling was to Kishore Kumar.
Himesh Reshamiya burst onto the scene as a singer with the big hit Aashiq Banaya Aapne. The nasal twang in his voice reminded me of the Pakistani singer Hasan Jehangir who sang the hit song Hawa Hawain the late 1980s (The video of the song that I have uploaded is from this movie called Don 2 and try spotting the rather dilapidated Shah Rukh Khan’s Mannat in the background).
Hawa Hawa achieved cult status and rose to as high as the second position on the Cibaca Sangeet Mala (or was it Cibaca Geet Mala, I really don’t remember). Back then it was the only countdown show and used to be on air every Monday at eight o’ clock on Vividh Bharti (It had moved from Radio Ceylon by then). Years later I was devastated to know that the song was not an original had been copied from the song Havar Havarsung by the Iranian singer Kourosh Yaghmaei.
Okay, Okay, I am deviating, but that’s the trouble with writing on movies and music. So we were talking about Reshamiya and I thought his voice had a nasal twang which was similar to that of Hasan Jehangir but the twang was much more pronounced in this case
And I also thought that like Jehangir before him he would be a one song wonder. But I, like a lot of others, was hopelessly wrong on this one. He belted out one hit after another as a singer as well as a music director.  The irony of course was that even though everyone was listening to his songs no one would admit to the same. I realised this on a random day in Ranchi while visiting my parents in 2007 and humming a song called Jummeratfrom Phir Hera Pheri all day long.
But I wasn’t supposed to like Himesh Bhai. Okay, I told myself, this is a temporary phenomenon, I will soon get over it. But the fact of the matter was I liked what I heard.
It was fashionable to listen to non hummable songs of A R Rahman but Himesh’s music was for the auto-rickshaw drivers. As a columnist in the Daily News and Analysis asked in July 2007 “Only autowallahs and taxi-drivers listen to his kind of music,” I was told. “We who sit in the passenger seat don’t.” Oh! This raised more fundamental questions in my mind. So, apparently, when Himess(Himesh Reshamiya i.e.) became the first Indian to perform at the Wembley, all of India’s auto, taxi and truck drivers must have flown to London to attend his concert? Or perhaps it was attended only by London’s taxi-drivers?”
“And what about the savvy lot who run our FM channels? They all know that their target audience is the young, cool, hip, urban, intelligent, upwardly mobile (or Ipod/Iphone),” the column went onto ask.
In between all this Reshamiya decided to become a hero. And at the same time decided to give music only in those movies in which he starred.
His first film as a hero was Aap Ka Suroor. The nasal twang of Reshamiya reached monstrous proportions with the song O Huzoor – Tera Tera Tera Suroor. Other than having ten songs sung by Reshamiya it also had the for the very first time in the history of Hindi cinema the hero wearing a baseball cap throughout the movie.
The next one was Karzzz. But even all the extra zzz’s and Reshamiya without the baseball cap could not save the movie at the box office. Ironically this was a remake of the earlier Karz made by Subhash Ghai. Ghai had ripped off the movie from  The Reincarnation of Peter Proud and still got paid Rs 3 crore for the remake rights. Talk about having your cake and eating it too.
Himesh Reshamiya’s next film as a hero was Radio. The film had some fantastic music and I personally feel its Reshamiya’s best album till date. It includes a personal favourite Daamad Ji Angna Main Padharewhich Reshamiya has sung along with Kailash Kher. His next film Kajraare directed by the former actress Pooja Bhatt saw a fairly limited release.
And Himesh’s acting career was more or less over after this. But Reshamiya was only trying to do what a lot of other famous singers have done in the past i.e. become a hero. Mukesh stopped singing for a while in the early 50s when he wanted to become a hero and decided to sing only for himself. The dashing Talat Mehmood went through the same phase of wanting to become a hero and soon other singers were singing for superstar Dilip Kumar.
In the early 70s Shailendra Singh was Rishi Kapoor’s voice in Bobby. But he had acting aspirations as well and became neither a famous singer nor a famous actor. In the recent years Sonu Nigam has fallen into the same trap and is no longer the top male playback singer.
There are very few singers making it big as actors. One of course is the great Kishore Kumar. But his best songs came after he had more or less quit acting. The only true singing superstar that Hindi cinema has ever had is Kundan Lal Saigal who drunk himself to death at a young age of 43 because he had this thing in his head that he sang better when he was drunk. By the time he realised this mistake it was too late (Dr Rajkumar, the kannada superstar, sang a lot of his own songs. He also sang bhajans).
The moral of the story for Himesh bhai is that he should stick to what he knows best and i.e. giving music and belting out superhit songs with a nasal twang.
In the meanwhile I am waiting for his next nasal song and am also ready for the hate mail. Bring it on, women!
The article originally appeared on www.firstpost.com on November 20,2012.
Vivek Kaul is a writer. He can be reached at [email protected]