{"id":4729,"date":"2016-10-25T11:53:51","date_gmt":"2016-10-25T06:23:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/teekhapan.wordpress.com\/?p=4729"},"modified":"2016-10-25T11:53:51","modified_gmt":"2016-10-25T06:23:51","slug":"why-tata-fired-mistry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vivekkaul.com\/2016\/10\/25\/why-tata-fired-mistry\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Tata Fired Mistry"},"content":{"rendered":"

(This is a spoof and a work of fiction. <\/em>Any resemblance<\/em>\u00a0<\/em>to actual persons, living or dead, or places or actual events is purely coincidental<\/em>)<\/em><\/p>\n

Office of a digital publication <\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cOh Shit!,\u201d yelled the young intern, who had been asked to keep a tab on what was happening in the world at large.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat happened?\u201d asked the senior desk hand sitting next to him.<\/p>\n

\u201cTata has fired Mistry,\u201d said the intern, in an excited state.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d screamed the editor from across the bay.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d said the senior desk hand who had checked out the news by then.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay. Shouted the editor. Let\u2019s get working on this.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes Sir!\u201d said the intern.<\/p>\n

\u201cI want you guys to start working on Five Reasons Why Tata Said Bye Bye to Mistry<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Sir so soon?\u201d asked a confused intern.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes goddamit. We are a website and not the Economic & Political Weekly<\/em>, which can take six years to figure out what really happened. If you hadn\u2019t been asking questions you would have already figured out two and a half reasons by now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSir, five reasons won\u2019t work,\u201d screamed the senior desk hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, but why?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhile we were talking, another website has already come with Five Reasons Why Tata Said Bye Bye to Mistry<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, then let\u2019s use six.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSir, the numbers six to 77 have already been taken.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes Sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s do 78 then.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c78?\u201d asked the intern again. \u201cHow do we come with 78 Reasons Why Tata Said Bye Bye to Mistry<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh that\u2019s simple,\u201d said the senior desk hand. \u201cWe just ask a question on Facebook and Twitter to the people.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat question?\u201d asked the bewildered intern again.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe ask the readers why do you think Tata fired Mistry,\u201d said the senior desk hand patiently. \u201cTake those reasons and turn them into 78 Reasons Why Tata Said Bye Bye to Mistry<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut how will the readers know, if we don\u2019t know?\u201d asked the intern, rather innocently.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell. The readers don\u2019t know. But every reader on the social media thinks that he knows. So, we just cash in on that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAh. Like that,\u201d said the intern, finally figuring out what was happening.<\/p>\n

By now, the editor had totally lost patience. \u201cLet\u2019s get cracking. This is a part of our strategy of building direct reader connect. If readers generate their own content they feel more connected with it. We also don\u2019t need to spend money on generating content.\u201d<\/p>\n

All this left the intern wondering: \u201cDoes the nation really want to know?\u201d<\/p>\n

Meanwhile in a business TV studio. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI want you guys to get cracking on this,\u201d shouted Maureen.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes Mam,\u201d came the reply from the young reporters.<\/p>\n

Two minutes later Maureen was on air, explaining the development to the audience which was watching the news on mute.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy do you think Tata fired Mistry?\u201d she asked the reporter.<\/p>\n

\u201cSources close to sources said that the sources have no idea behind the mystery of the mysterious sacking of Mr Mistry…\u201d the reporter explained, speaking at breakneck speed.<\/p>\n

\u201cAh. Thank you for giving us that exclusive breaking news. Remember you heard it here first,\u201d said Maureen. \u201cAnd now it\u2019s time to take a break.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGood show girl,\u201d Maureen told the reporter. \u201cI love it when you speak so confidently. After all that is what TV is all about.\u201d<\/p>\n

Meanwhile at a Hindi news channel. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cSo what angle do we take?\u201d the editor asked the reporter.<\/p>\n

\u201cSir, aap jo bole wo angle le lenge<\/em> (Sir, whatever angle you ask we will take),\u201d the reporter replied.<\/p>\n

The reporter up until two minutes back had been covering politics and suddenly he was now being asked to turn himself into a business journalist.<\/p>\n

\u201cHmmm\u2026Let\u2019s take the Mulayam angle,\u201d the editor suggested.<\/p>\n

\u201cMulayam?\u201d asked the reporter, totally stumped.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. Arre<\/em>, Mulayam could have fired Akhilesh but he hasn\u2019t. He has managed to postpone the problem for another day,\u201d explained the editor. \u201cAlso, there is a family angle. Ratan\u2019s brother is married to Mistry\u2019s sister. So, \u00a0we can compare it to Mulayam. To chal jaega <\/em>(It will do).\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes Sir. Yes Sir,\u201d agreed the reporter, thanking the Gods. At least, he would be able to speak something on this.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile at one of India\u2019s leading pink papers\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat have we got?\u201d asked the editor leaning back on his chair and trying to blow imaginary smoke rings into the air. This was something he used to love to do all day in his office for real, until the no smoking policy became the order of the day. Now he could only smoke in the office loo.<\/p>\n

\u201cSix Reasons Why Tata Said Bye Bye to Mistry<\/em>,\u201d explained the corporate editor.<\/p>\n

\u201cAh. You wrote it so fast Mr Matthew,\u201d said the editor.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. Mr Chakraborty.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut that will be published on the web. What do we do for tomorrow morning?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes Sir!\u201d explained the corporate editor, who had already put in all the spin he could think of into the Six Reasons piece.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s do something conceptual.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs in?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSabka badla lega tera faijal,<\/em>\u201d explained the editor, leaving everyone totally flummoxed for a moment. For a Bong he did watch a lot of Hindi cinema.<\/p>\n

\u201cAs in?\u201d the corporate editor asked again.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s call it Gangs of Bombay House<\/em>. You know a play on Gangs of Wasseypur<\/em>, with the Tata camp taking on the Mistry camp.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWonderful idea Sir. Should take care of tomorrow\u2019s page and hopefully by tomorrow we should be able to figure out what really happened.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAh. Tomorrow we need to come with more reasons behind what really happened. Day after, a few more. We need to keep coming up with reasons behind what really happened. It doesn\u2019t matter what really happened because nobody knows what really happened,\u201d said the editor, as he made his way towards the loo, having gotten done with his share of philosophy for the day.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is the truth?\u201d asked the corporate editor, imagining, he had an audience around him. \u201cNo one really knows. Everyone has their own version.\u201d<\/p>\n

And then he wondered \u201cWhere had he heard that before?\u201d \u201cOr I am getting better and better at writing fiction?\u201d<\/p>\n

The article originally appeared in Vivek Kaul’s Diary on October 25, 2016<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(This is a spoof and a work of fiction. Any resemblance\u00a0to actual persons, living or dead, or places or actual events is purely coincidental) Office of a digital publication \u201cOh Shit!,\u201d yelled the young intern, who had been asked to keep a tab on what was happening in the world at large. \u201cWhat happened?\u201d asked … <\/p>\n

Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"qubely_global_settings":"","qubely_interactions":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[30,39,68,77],"tags":[2320,2321,3584],"qubely_featured_image_url":null,"qubely_author":{"display_name":"Vivek Kaul","author_link":"https:\/\/vivekkaul.com\/author\/vivekkaul\/"},"qubely_comment":1,"qubely_category":"Equitymaster<\/a> Humor<\/a> Satire<\/a> Vivek Kaul's Diary<\/a>","qubely_excerpt":"(This is a spoof and a work of fiction. Any resemblance\u00a0to actual persons, living or dead, or places or actual events is purely coincidental) Office of a digital publication \u201cOh Shit!,\u201d yelled the young intern, who had been asked to keep a tab on what was happening in the world at large. \u201cWhat happened?\u201d asked…","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/vivekkaul.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4729"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/vivekkaul.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/vivekkaul.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vivekkaul.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vivekkaul.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4729"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/vivekkaul.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4729\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/vivekkaul.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4729"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vivekkaul.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4729"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vivekkaul.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4729"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}