{"id":1558,"date":"2013-02-25T15:50:03","date_gmt":"2013-02-25T10:20:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/teekhapan.wordpress.com\/?p=1558"},"modified":"2013-02-25T15:50:03","modified_gmt":"2013-02-25T10:20:03","slug":"budget-2013-why-chiddu-deserves-a-filmpair-if-not-an-oscar","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vivekkaul.com\/2013\/02\/25\/budget-2013-why-chiddu-deserves-a-filmpair-if-not-an-oscar\/","title":{"rendered":"Budget 2013: Why Chiddu deserves a Filmpair if not Oscar"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"oscars\"<\/a>
\nVivek Kaul <\/span><\/span><\/strong>
\nIts early morning in Lutyens, Delhi. Chidu has just gotten up from sleep and is sitting in the lawn in front of his bungalow, waiting for his attendant to bring him his cup of morning coffee and the business newspapers. The attendant soon arrives very excited by the fact that Chidu has been awarded an Oscar by The Economic Chimes.
\n<\/i><\/span><\/span>
\n\u201cSir, sir, sir,\u201d the attendant came running with the day’s pink papers and a cup of strong kapi<\/i> like the way Chidu liked it.
\n\u201cWhat happened?\u201d asked Chidu. \u201cDid Madam say something?\u201d
\n\u201cMadam?\u201d the attendant asked. \u201cWhen does she ever say anything? Mr Patel does all the talking for her.\u201d
\n\u201cOh. You got me worried on a Monday morning,\u201d said Chidu, sipping his cup of filter coffee, and adjusting his Ariel<\/i> white Mundu. \u201cSo why are you so excited then?\u201d
\n\u201cSir, you have been awarded the Oscar!\u201d exclaimed the attendant.
\n\u201cOscar?\u201d wondered Chidu adjusting his\u00a0pashmina<\/i>\u00a0shawl.
\n\u201cYes sir, Oscar!\u201d
\n\u201cThey must have given it to me for lifetime achievement then,\u201d said Chidu with a proud smile on his face and a ‘halo’ around his head.
\n\u201cLifetime achievement?\u201d asked a surprised attendant.
\n\u201cYes. What is politics if not a performance?\u201d stated Chidu. \u201cWe politicians are the best actors after all.\u201d
\n\u201cBut sir you are not even 70!\u201d
\n\u201cSo?\u201d asked Chidu.
\n\u201cSo you cannot be given a lifetime achievement award,\u201d explained the attendant.
\n\u201cBut why not?\u201d quipped an irritated Chidu. \u201cIn some cases things happen a little faster.\u201d
\n\u201cArre\u00a0<\/i>sir, you are not getting my point.\u201d
\n\u201cWhat is your point?\u201d
\n\u201cSir, lifetime achievement awards are given to those who have already retired. Or to those who are not retiring, and are expected to retire after they accept the award,\u201d the attendant said. \u201c
\n\u201cOh.\u201d
\n\u201cAnd, you are a\u00a0young turk<\/i>\u00a0by Indian political standards,\u201d the attendant said. \u201cYour days in politics are just about to start.\u201d
\n\u201cOh, yes. Oh, yes. I am only 67 now. My best days are clearly ahead of me. I am just a little over a year older to Madam, you see.\u201d
\n\u201cFor a moment you had me worried sir,\u201d the attendant remarked with a slightly worried look on his face. \u201cIn my mind I had almost started to look for a new job.\u201d
\n\u201cDon’t worry. Don’t worry. I still have at least two decades of politics left in me,\u201d said Chidu trying to pacify his attendant. \u201cSo what is this Oscar thing then?\u201d
\n\u201cSir,\u00a0The Economic Chimes\u00a0<\/i>has given you an Oscar,\u201d answered the attendant.
\n\u201cThe Economic Chimes?<\/i>\u201d
\n\u201cYes sir.\u201d
\n\u201cWell, when I was at Harvard, one of my dorm mates told me the Oscar is awarded by the Academy of Motion Pictures, Arts and Sciences.\u201d
\n\u201cYes sir.\u201d
\n\u201cSo how can\u00a0The Economic Chimes<\/i>\u00a0give me an Oscar?\u201d wondered Chidu.
\n\u201cMaybe the promoters must have picked up a stake in the Academy also, like they do in other companies. You know they must have assured the Academy some publicity in lieu of a stake?\u201d said the attendant.
\n\u201cMaybe,\u201d replied Chidu, picking up\u00a0The Economic Chimes\u00a0<\/i>to check.
\n\u201cSir how is the\u00a0kapi\u00a0<\/i>sir?\u201d asked the attendant. \u201cGot my wife to make it today.\u201d
\n\u201cOh. Is that the case?\u201d said Chidu, talking to himself.
\n\u201cYes sir. She makes good coffee no?\u201d
\n\u201cI am not talking about the coffee,\u201d blurted Chidu, slightly irritated by now.
\n\u201cThen sir?\u201d
\n\u201cI am talking about the Oscar,\u201d said Chidu. \u201cThe Economic Chimes\u00a0<\/i>has given me a growth Oscar.\u201d
\n\u201cOh. I saw Oscar and your name in the headline and got totally excited.\u201d
\n\u201cI don’t blame you. These pink papers are so boring that it is very difficult to read beyond the headline anyway,\u201d said Chidu. \u201cOn most days they put me to sleep.\u201d
\n\u201cBut what is a growth Oscar sir?\u201d asked the attendant. \u201cI thought an Oscar is an Oscar.\u201d
\n\u201cWell it is a figure of speech. What they are basically trying to say is that I will do a good job in the budget of creating economic growth.\u201d
\n\u201cEconomic growth?\u201d wondered the attendant. \u201cBut sir things are so bad. Inflation is almost at 10%. Our growth in imports is nearly 13 times our growth in exports. Our current account deficit is at an all time high. Our fiscal deficit is reaching monstrous proportions. Our external debt is huge. The industrial growth contracted by 0.6% in December. Interest rates continue to remain high. Another pink paper reported today that fresh orders of companies are at a four year low.\u201d
\n\u201cYes, I know all that,\u201d said Chidu, sipping his coffee.
\n\u201cSo, where is the question of economic growth?\u201d asked the humble attendant.
\n\u201cWell, do you work for me? Or the opposition?\u201d quipped Chidu. \u201cHave you joined the BJP?\u201d
\n\u201cNo sir I am totally secular till now. I work for you sir,\u201d replied the attendant. \u201cBut then if you can’t convince me about economic growth, how will you convince the world at large?\u201d
\n\u201cWorld at large? What is that?\u201d replied Chidu. \u201cI only need to convince Madam, her son and Mr Patel.\u201d
\n\u201cBut the world at large?\u201d
\n\u201cOh\u00a0The Economic Chimes\u00a0<\/i>is already doing that. They are batting for me.\u201d
\n\u201cBut how can they so positive in such dark times?\u201d wondered the attendant, finding it very difficult to let go.
\n\u201cI can see through their strategy,\u201d said Chidu. \u201cI went to Harvard after all.\u201d
\n\u201c<\/span>Strategy?\u201d
\n\u201cBe Positive is their strategy.\u201d
\n\u201cBut as far as I know that is a blood group?\u201d remarked the attendant.
\n\u201cOkay. I am in no mood for poor jokes right now. See the idea is that if the largest pink paper projects news positively, then people will soon start believing that things are actually positive and once people start believing that things are positive, things might actually turn out to be positive.\u201d
\n\u201c<\/span><\/span>Oh!\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/span>
\n\u201cIt’s a mind game my dear.\u201d
\n\u201cBut what if people don’t feel positive?\u201d asked the attendant.
\n\u201cYes that is indeed a possibility. But then what is the harm in trying? It is like the concept of <\/span>Aal is Well<\/span> from the movie <\/span>3 Idiots<\/span>. If you keep repeating <\/span>Aal is Well, Aal is Well, <\/span>things turn out well.\u201d
\n\u201cYes sir,\u201d said the attendant. \u201cBut isn’t that only in the movies?\u201d
\n\u201cThat is the challenge my dear, to turn reel life into real life,\u201d said Chidu, rather philosophically. \u201cAnd for that we all need to be actors, from the media to the politicians.\u201d
\n\u201cYes sir,\u201d replied the attendant, finally getting the gist of what his boss was trying to convey.
\n\u201cOh and your wife makes wonderful coffee!\u201d said Chidu.
\n\u201cHa ha! So you are trying the B+ strategy on me!\u201d
\n<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>\u201cWell if I can’t convince you, how will I convince the world at large?\u201d said Chidu, trying to have the last laugh. \u201cWe politicians are brilliant actors after all and if<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span> not an Oscar, I at least deserve a <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>Filmpair<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/em>.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/span><\/span><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/span><\/span><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/span><\/span><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/span><\/span><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/span><\/span><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/span><\/span><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/span><\/span><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/span><\/span><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/span><\/span><\/em><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>
\nThe article<\/a> originally appeared on www.firstpost.com on February 25, 2013
\n(Vivek Kaul is a writer. He can be reached at vivek.kaul@gmail.com<\/a>)<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Vivek Kaul Its early morning in Lutyens, Delhi. Chidu has just gotten up from sleep and is sitting in the lawn in front of his bungalow, waiting for his attendant to bring him his cup of morning coffee and the business newspapers. The attendant soon arrives very excited by the fact that Chidu has been … <\/p>\n

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